To the Editors:

If the Super Bowl was run by the presidential contenders …

Carson — Overrules NFL sideline doctors who say a player knocked unconscious during a vicious hit is “OK to shake it off and get back in the game.”

Sanders — The socialist would cancel the game and give a Super Bowl ring to every player in the NFL. We should all be equal in everything. No winners or losers among us.

Fiorina — Called in to help the offensive coordinators when the Microsoft surface tablets go down again during the big game.

Clinton — While watching the game in luxury from the owners’ box moans about the unequal pay on the team with some players making 10 times what other players make.

Trump — Thinks he should just pick the winner and is happy to proclaim them “world champions” even though it’s a game only played in one country.

Cruz — Spends the game trying to pick out the immigrants among the players but was heard to complain, “I just can’t tell them apart with those helmets and shoulder pads on!”

Bush — Campaign ends badly when revealed he chose to watch the puppy bowl instead of the official Pepsi halftime show.

Christie — Drafted into the game when injury plagues Denver when OG Max Garcia goes down.

Rubio — Prefers futbal to American football.

Kasich —Prefers Ohio college football to the NFL and boycotts the game.

If I forgot anyone it’s because you are like the third-string QB on the roster. Simply taking up space and hopefully not needed.
Jeff Farrar
Wilton, Feb. 1