Did I Say That? An assault on the senses
Joe Pisani talks about the horrors of malls in his latest column.
DId I Say That?
Did I Say That? Break, yes; fast, not so much
In order to lower my cholesterol, my wife insisted that I eat oatmeal for breakfast. But I had an alternate plan. Plan B (minus), you might say. Just as the Quaker Oats began percolating on the stove, I snuck out of the house and drove to the bagel shop. Of course, bagels are as bad as cherry Danish and chocolate … read more
Did I Say That? Pisani for president
Everyone is lining up to run for President of the United States, especially now that Oprah has pulled out of the ring even before she was in it. This development makes me think I have a chance. Heck, my qualifications are certainly as good as Kanye West’s. I was born on the same day as Thomas Jefferson, which must count … read more
Did I Say That? Love and Nicholas Sparks
For Valentine’s Day, I got my wife a dozen red roses and the complete, unabridged collection of Nicholas Sparks’ movies, all 11 of them, along with a super-sized box of Kleenex. She got me Russell Stover chocolates from Big Y and a dust buster. Over the years, she’s forced me to watch everything from Nights in Rodanthe to Message in … read more
Did I Say That? The end of polite society
One of my neighbors has been letting his dog poop in front of my mailbox, and I lie awake at night obsessing about it because I can’t catch him. Or her. All I know is it must be a very large dog. I can see his business from my second-floor bedroom window … without my binoculars. And since the mailman … read more
Did I Say That? Contagious commuters
Last week I had breakfast with two friends who work in Manhattan and all they did was complain about the commute. That was my life for a decade, and I don’t miss huddling with people on a crowded train platform at 6:15 in the morning like a flock of penguins stranded on an ice floe in the Antarctic. And … read more
Did I Say That? My wife the meteorologist
I’m convinced my wife missed her true calling. Instead of companion, mother, caregiver, healthcare professional, she should have been a meteorologist. You know, a weather person in the tradition of Willard Scott. I’ll be in bed, reading a James Rollins thriller or watching a PBS documentary about killer asteroids, and Sandy will interrupt my concentration to tell me about the … read more
Did I Say That? The perfect cup of coffee
One of my fondest boyhood memories is lying in bed beneath the covers on a cold winter morning while my father got up to make a pot of Maxwell House. “Wake up and smell the coffee!” he’d yell. And we’d all groan. He’d put the pot on the gas stove, and as it started to percolate, the house would fill … read more
Did I Say That? The year-end brag
I went through the holidays in a funk. No amount of Christmas cheer could bring me out of it. No ho ho ho. No schnapps. No New Year’s merrymaking. I hope that what happened to me won’t happen to you … unless you’re one of the people responsible for my problem. At this time of year, our expectations often exceed … read more
Did I Say That? Resolving for small improvements
I’m always late with my New Year’s resolutions because I like to give them serious thought, which is difficult to do around the holidays when everyone is making merry or intoxicated or behaving irresponsibly before they have to kick their bad habits — or at least pretend to. This year I’m keeping them simple. I resolve that I will not … read more