Warrior Words: Pesky questions — a senior’s guide
It’s that time of year where seniors brace themselves for an onslaught of college questions from well-meaning adults. There seem to be a lot of them. Well-meaning adults, that is. Whether it’s your aunt, your neighbor, or that random lady in aisle 5 at the Village Market, there’s always someone else who wants to learn everything about your college experience.
It gets old. Really quickly.
I’ve noticed that no matter where I go, I get asked the same questions by every adult that crosses my path. I can count on one hand the number of interactions I’ve had where people have asked me about something else besides college. If I had a dime for everyone who has asked me to name my schools, I might actually be able to afford college.
But I digress. To best combat this constant, irritating interrogation, I’ve assembled a catalogue of typical questions and a series of responses that can be used to ward off any further inquiries. These tried-and-true responses are sure to provide a rewarding dialogue with relatives and well-wishers alike.
Q: Are you getting any sleep?
A: What? Yes, I think I’m averaging about four hours a zzzzz…
Q: Have you taken any standardized tests?
A: Yes, actually! I’ve taken the SAT, ACT, PSAT, SAT II, 10 APs, the CMT, GCSE, LSAT, GRE, MCAT, OWL, NEWT, OMG, LOL, and the DMV. JK!
Q: What did you get on SAT/ACT?
A: I got a migraine from the ACT. The SAT was a little easier; I only got a headache.
Q: What schools are you applying to?
A: I’ve applied to the Massachusetts Institute of Pomposity, the University of Jockville, Impetuous College, and the School for Overachievement.
Q: What do you want to major in?
A: I’m considering a major in procrastination or avoidance, but I haven't decided which one.
Q: What about a minor?
A: I’ve narrowed it down to The Art of Healing Crystals, or maybe Kale Farming.
Q: Have you written your personal essay?
A: My mother's written three and my tutor's submitted about seven, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.
Q: Have your parents completed the FAFSA?
A: Possibly. I heard weeping the other night.
Q: Are you applying to any Ivy League Schools?
A: Yes. One poison Ivy. Have you heard of Yale's lesser known doppelganger, Jail?
Q: Do you know how much college costs?
A: Of course. More than my 2001 Acura TL but probably less than your 2017 Tesla. Certainly less than your Maserati.
Q: What scholarships are you applying for?
A: I have a good shot at the ‘Pokemon Go Fellowship’ and the ‘Couch Potato Grant.’
Q: Where have you gotten rejected from?
A: The University of Bad Decisions. Oh, and My Three Sons. Apparently you can be too old to play laser tag.
Q: What’s your first choice?
A: Hogwarts. I’m sure my letter is on its way.
This guide only covers the tip of the iceberg for students. However, I do have some advice for those adults brave, or possibly stupid enough, to grill a senior.
Q: What’s the best way to ask a senior about college?
So, my fellow seniors, if you see someone coming equipped with a questioning air about them, you have this list at your disposal. Of course, there’s always a second option, one I know has a 100% success rate: Run!
Maggie Cummins is a senior at Wilton High School. She shares this column with five classmates.