What would the new year be without resolutions? Well, just another year of doing the same old thing. How mundane! It’s time to reinvent yourself and really live up to the expression “new year, new me.” As 2018 commences, perhaps you are indulging in some retrospection. Luckily, you have a clean slate to work on all the changes you neglected to make last week, last month, or even last year. Enough of “I’ll get around to doing that tomorrow". Here is a list of five resolutions to inspire you.

1.) Spending all your dough on take-out? Cannot bear the thought of eating one more bite of sesame chicken or another slice of pizza and garlic knots? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then it’s time to whip out the cookbook on your shelf collecting dust and prepare a lovely home-cooked meal! You’ll be astonished by the delicious and simple 18-ingredient, three-pot, and seven-pan dinners you can prepare within hours after a busy day at work. If you’re not particularly skilled in the kitchen, I recommend heading to your local grocer’s freezer aisle and picking out a few TV dinners. Deceive your family by transferring the food from the tray onto a fancy plate. Voilá! Everybody will be impressed.

2.) Sitting at a desk all day at work or school, then returning home to plop on the couch? Is your sedentary lifestyle beginning to spark concern? Head to a nearby gym and take advantage of their complimentary trial. I guarantee you after about a week of a sales associate haggling you over the phone about getting a membership, you will succumb. Why not spend $29.99 a month to run two miles on a treadmill and lift some weights? In the time between your trips to the gym, using the Wilton High School stairs suffices as exercise! I don't know about you, but after going up and down a few flights, I practically need an inhaler.

3.) Do you find yourself constantly pushing back your tasks until the week, day, or hour before it must be done? Fear not, I am the best person to advise you on this bad habit! It’s not like I wrote this the day it was due or anything … Anyways, I am a list and daily planner enthusiast. Utilize these resources to make you feel on top of your game! No other feeling in the world equates to crossing an item off your to-do list. If you are getting too lazy to keep up with this regimen, relying on your cluttered memory should do just fine.

4.) Afraid that you could be a potential candidate for the show Hoarding: Buried Alive given the chaotic state of your closet and drawers? Do you still have the receipt from the pack of gum you bought a year ago? It’s bonfire time! Collect all of those frivolous papers and a few logs and set them ablaze in a contained outdoor area. If you’re really feeling fun, you can make an event out of it. Invite your friends over and roast marshmallows over your burning trash. As for the rest of the stuff, a trip to IKEA to purchase some storage containers is your best bet.

5.) Finally, do you feel burdened by the constant bombardment of pictures and statuses on social media? Are you fed up with Greg’s constant political commentary or Monica’s 246 photos from her lavish Caribbean getaway on Facebook? I strongly encourage you to rid yourself of this technology. The simplest solution is to cleanse your profile of unwanted “friends” or “followers.” However, if this method doesn’t quite do the trick, I suggest that you chuck your phone into the woods. Liberation at last!

I hope you find these tips helpful — 2018 will be your year! I have faith in you to accomplish each and every one of your resolutions. Best of luck!


Shelby Connor is a senior at Wilton High School. She shares this column with five classmates.